Often when we refer to the types of relationships that exist, we usually think of the sexual orientation of the people involved, such as heterosexual or LGBTQ+ people. On the other hand, there is also what is called “relational orientation“. This is the structure that a relationship can take, including the number of partners in a given relationship, the feelings one may have towards the partner(s), etc. This article will therefore approach some basic terms in the diverse world of polyamory.

Polyamory means maintaining multiple relationships at the same time. Unlike monogamous people who only have one person with whom they share a romantic and sexual relationship, polyamorous people have multiple relationships at the same time. These relationships can be romantic and/or sexual in nature. There are also those who consider themselves ambamorous, which means that they can be as comfortable in a monogamous relationship than in a polyamourous one.

The types of relationships involving more than two people, not having sexual exclusivity and/or love, is called ethical non-monogamy. This includes polyamory and swinging (discussed later). Everyone involved is fully aware of the terms of the relationships, having explicit agreement, honesty, and communication. It is thus not synonymous to infidelity because everyone is aware and consents to the activities. We can also find agreements established regarding the level of protection used during physical contact.

A big thank you to the Polyamour Montreal group for creating a glossary from which I drew inspiration to create this list.

General terms

Relationship escalator: In our society, a relationship typically has a normalized path. You can expect to meet a partner, date for a while, have sex or not, get married, have children, etc. This is called a relational staircase. Many decide to structure their relationships differently, such as not getting married, not having children, having only sex and not romantic relationships (and vice versa).

Compersion: Compersion is an emotion that can be said to be the opposite of jealousy. It is a feeling of joy that we get when our partner experiences happiness. This is especially the case with polyamorous people when a person is happy to see their partner experience happiness with one of their other partners. It is far from being an innate or easily understood emotion, but it is over time that we can learn to recognize and live it with our loved one(s).

Consent: Consent is expressing oneself in favor of an act. It can be withdrawn at any time, without justification, and even if you have already done such an act in the past (we can think of sexual relations in particular). Without consent, an act is abuse.

ORE/NRE: Old Relationship Energy and New Relationship Energy are emotions we feel about a relationship. In a long-standing relationship, this ORE may be distinguished by a sense of comfort, security, and stability. In a recent relationship, this NRE may be distinguished by a feeling of adrenaline and excitement.

Unicorn: A so-called unicorn is someone who joins an existing couple (polyamorous couple or not) to engage in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with both members of the couple. This term is sometimes used in a derogatory way, because it often refers to a monogamous heterosexual couple (called unicorn hunters) who seek a bisexual woman for sex in an objectifying way.

Metamour: A metamour means the relationship between two people who are dating the same individual. For example, if person B is dating person A and person C (imagine A-B-C), person A and C are metamours to each other.

One Penis Policy (OPP): A concept usually frowned upon in the polyamorous community, where one person (usually a cisgender, heterosexual man) demands that their partners not have sex with other people who have penises.

Polycule: Having the word molecule at its origins, it is about the group including oneself, our partners and our metamours.

Poly(in)saturated: When in a polyamorous dynamic, being polysaturated means that we have reached our maximum number of partners that we can manage simultaneously. On the contrary, being polyunsaturated means that you have not yet reached that limit.

Veto: A veto is an agreement that allows a person to be able to terminate an additional relationship of their partner or for certain activities to take place. It is more often used by those new to polyamory and is less well regarded by more experienced people.

Types of relationships

Relational Anarchy: This is a structure where principles related to anarchy are applied to relationships. Some values include autonomy, non-hierarchical practices (where there are no relationships that are more important than another) and anti-normativity.

DADT: An acronym for Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, in the world of ethical non-monogamy it means an arrangement in which we choose not to disclose details of our other relationships to our partner. This is not a very common concept in the community, as it is often seen as unethical due to its contradiction to the principles of honesty and open communication.

Protection Contract/Fluid Bonding: This is an agreement to reduce the exchange of bodily fluids and unprotected sexual contact.

Friends With Benefits (FWB): This dynamic occurs when you establish a friendship that includes sexual activity without necessarily having romantic expectations.

Kitchen table: This is a form of polyamory where the partners and their respective metamours establish a network with the important value of meeting to talk about the challenges facing the polycule or to do activities together. This is the opposite of parallel polyamory.

Mixed poly relationship: When a polyamorous person has a relationship with a monogamous person.

Parallel Polyamory (Corridor Poly): A structure of polyamory where a person’s relationships are independent of each other, having little or no contact between metamours. It is the opposite of the kitchen table style.

Polyfidelity/closed relationship: A type of polyamory involving more than two people, but where each partner is not looking for other additional people outside of the relationship. If we decide to seek additional partners, we do so with the approval and consent of everyone involved.

Egalitarian relationship: Synonymous with non-hierarchical relationship, this is a relationship where no one in the polycule has priority over others. This is the opposite of a hierarchical structure.

Triad: Relationship made up of three people, all three of which are involved in sexual and emotional relationships with each other.

N relationship: Usually involving two couples, where one of the members of the first couple is seeing someone from the second couple.

V relationship: A relationship involving three people, where one person has romantic and/or sexual relations with the other two people, but the latter do not have a relationship between them.

Open relationship: Relationship that is exclusive at the romantic level but not at the sexual level. Some people use the term as a synonym for polyamory (it is often the case in swinger communities) but it is not always the case. For others, this term is only used to describe non-monogamous sex.

Solo poly: This is an approach to polyamory where a person emphasizes autonomy, not needing the permission of others to choose their own relationships and flexibility to form relationships how they so choose.

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L’article Polyamory lexicon est apparu en premier sur TransAvenue.

Special collaboration: Alex Simon is an American-born and Montreal-based student interested in LGBTQ+ and trans realities. They themselves being non-binary, they proposed the idea to GrS Montreal of writing articles on their blog TransAvenue.

Don Lemon is CNN News anchor and journalist. He came out as gay in his 2011 memoir Transparent, becoming a role model for gay black men getting into the journalism industry.

Raven-Symoné is an actress and singer known for her roles in the shows The Cosby Show and That’s So Raven as well as movies like The Cheetah Girls. She came out as a member of the LGBTQ+ community in the mid 2010’s but states she does not subscribe to particular labels.

Frank Ocean is a singer, songwriter, and rapper known for an alternative R&B style. He published a letter on his Tumblr blog in 2012 expressing his feelings towards another man. He published an essay in 2016 following the Pulse Nightclub shooting, showing his frustration and explaining how in many cases hate perpetuated towards others is passed on from generation to generation.

Angel Haze is an agender and pansexual rapper. She uses he and she pronouns, and in a Buzzfeed interview in 2015, he stated “I don’t consider myself of any sex. I consider myself an experience.” He often writes and sings about diverse topics including homophobia, racism and mental health.

Audre Lorde was an author, feminist and civil rights activist. She is known for her writings with an intersectional lens. Her poetry often related to civil rights movements, disability, her lesbian identity and her identity as a Black woman. She also addressed topics like toxic black male masculinity and socio-economic status. Her writings contributed to what is known as the third-wave feminist discourse.

Tracy Chapman is an American singer known for hits like Fast Car and Baby Can I Hold You. She has won four Grammy awards and her discography spans over two decades. She rarely speaks of her sexual orientation but was in a relationship with her former partner Alice Walker during the 1990’s. Active on the social and political stages, she often performs at charity events.

James Baldwin was an author, playwright, poet and civil rights activist. His literary career spanned from the 1950’s to the 1980’s. His social and political activism was omnipresent not only in his day to day life, but in the form of topics featured in his works and their respective protagonists. Two of his manuscripts, Remember This House and If Beale Street Could Talk were transformed into documentary I Am Not Your Negro (2016) and film If Beale Street Could Talk (2018).

Janet Mock is a writer, TV host and transgender rights activist. After obtaining her Masters degree in journalism, she worked several years at People magazine as staff editor. She came out as a trans woman in 2011 in Marie Claire magazine, then becoming a media advocate. She has written several memoirs, and has become the first trans woman of color to obtain a production deal with a major content company, in her case Netflix.

Laverne Cox is an actress and LGBTQ+ advocate. She rose to stardom in her role on Netflix series Orange is the New Black, subsequently becoming the first transgender woman to be nominated for an Emmy for her role. She also starred and was the executive producer of the documentary Disclosure, which addresses the representation and depiction of trans and nonbinary individuals in American culture and media.

Janelle Monáe is a singer-songwriter and actress. She released three studio albums in 2010, 2013 and 2018, and ventured into acting in 2016 in the hit movie Hidden Figures. She identifies simultaneously as bisexual and pansexual, and came out as nonbinary in 2020.

Amandla Stenberg is an actress and singer. Her breakout role in film was in the movie Hunger Games, and has had numerous appearances in cinema, TV and music videos. They use both she/her and they/them pronouns, and identifies as gay and nonbinary.

Lil Nas X is a rapper, singer, and songwriter. He was catapulted into the spotlight with his country rap hit Old Town Road. He came out as gay following the release of the song, and became the first Black LGBTQ+ artist to win a Country Music Association Award.

Angela Davis is a political activist and academic. She is a part of the grassroots movement against the “prison-industrial complex”, a prison abolition movement. For over five decades she has supported numerous social justice movements such as gay rights, Black liberation and Palestinian solidarity and against racism and sexism. Alongside activist Kimberlé Crenshaw, she founded the African American Alliance 2000, a group of Black feminists. She identifies as lesbian and lives with her life partner.

Marsha P. Johnson was a gay liberation activist and Stonewall Riot veteran. Alongside Sylvia Rivera, she founded the Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries (STAR) organization and was an AIDS activist. She was unfortunately found dead in 1992, her cause of death unofficially considered a homicide.

Backxwash is a Zambian-Canadian rapper based in Montreal. She came out as transgender in 2018 after the release of her debut EP F.R.E.A.K.S. Her 2020 album God Has Nothing to Do with This Leave Him Out of It won the 2020 Polaris Music Prize.

Munroe Bergdorf is a British model and activist. Coming out as transgender at the age of 24, she began her modelling career with the motivation of bringing diversity to the industry. She frequently makes guest appearances as commentator on British talk shows, and is vocal about numerous causes including racism, transphobia and misogyny.

Miss Major Griffin-Gracy is an activist and community leader. She advocates notably for incarcerated trans women of color, serving as the original executive director of the Transgender Gender Variant Intersex Justice Project. Other community efforts she was and continues to be involved in include helping those suffering from addiction and homelessness, sex workers, those with HIV/AIDS, low-income individuals and victims of police brutality.

Elle Hearns is a transgender rights activist who co-founded the Black Lives Matter Global Network. Her interest in the civil rights movement and activists like Malcolm X led her to become a youth organizer. She helped organize the three-day conference The Movement for Black Lives in 2015, and founded the Marsha P. Johnson Institute.

Indya Moore is an actor and model known for their role in the series Pose. They started their modeling career at the age of 15 with gigs including Dior and Gucci. They are nonbinary, and are the first trans person to be featured on the cover of the US edition of Elle magazine.

Monica Roberts was a writer and trans rights advocate. She was the founder and main editor of blog TransGriot, which brought attention to issues pertaining to trans women. She also brought news coverage of transgender homicide victims in the US to a wider audience.

Angelica Ross is a businesswoman, actress, and transgender rights activist. She is the CEO and founder of tech company TransTech Social Enterprises, and stars in the shows Pose and American Horror Story.

Travis Alabanza is a British transfeminine performance artist. They have given lectures and presented at panels on topics from racism, sexual orientation and gender identity. They advocate for the inclusion of transgender and gender nonconforming individuals in mainstream feminism.

Willow Smith is a singer and actress with several albums under her belt. Her single Whip My Hair hit platinum in 2009 and has won several awards for her musical pursuits. She came out as bisexual and polyamorous in 2019.

Kehlani is a R&B and hip-hop singer. She supported Halsey and Demi Lovato on their tours, released two albums and was nominated for Grammy awards on several occasions. She came out as queer and pansexual on social media.

Billy Porter is a Broadway performer, actor and musician. He starred in the play Kinky Boots on Broadway both in 2013 and 2017, and plays a recurring role in the serie Pose. He also graces the cover of magazines and fashion articles with his colorful red carpet ensembles.

L’article Black and POC LGBT celebrities est apparu en premier sur TransAvenue.

Special collaboration: Alex Simon is an American-born and Montreal-based student interested in LGBTQ+ and trans realities. They themselves being non-binary, they proposed the idea to GrS Montreal of writing articles on their blog TransAvenue.

Often when referring to orientations within and outside of the LGBTQ+ community, the suffix -sexual is used, for instance, homosexual, bisexual, and heterosexual. The prefix used before -sexual distinguishes towards whom you are attracted to. However, what if you do not feel sexual attraction towards others? Or romantic attraction, for that matter? You are not broken or abnormal, you simply may belong to the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum.

Asexuality, as an umbrella term, refers to the lack of sexual attraction felt towards others. This is different from the libido, which pertains to the drive one might feel to act upon said sexual desires. It also differs from celibacy, in which a person chooses not to engage in sexual activity. Asexuality is a spectrum, it is not black or white, hence the existence of sub-categories within asexuality, labels that you may or may not feel more aligned with. People who are on the asexuality spectrum might call themselves “ace”.

Demisexuality is an orientation within the asexuality spectrum. It relates to how someone does not feel sexual attraction towards another person unless a strong emotional bond has already been formed. Graysexuality, sometimes called gray-ace, refers to the gray zone existing within asexuality. Seeming how each individual experiences asexuality in their own way, this term can encompass the gray zones existing within such a wide spectrum. Reciprosexual refers to someone who does not feel sexual attraction towards someone until the said person is attracted to them. Akoisexual, or lithsexual, refers to someone whose attraction towards another fades over time if the said attraction is to be reciprocated. Aceflux refers to someone whose sexual orientation fluctuates. For some, it may stay within the asexual spectrum. For others, it might occasionally venture outside of it.

There is a plethora of identities that fall within the asexual spectrum. These identities can also fall within the aromantic spectrum, meaning those who do not feel romantic attraction towards others. These people may call themselves “aro” for short. The identities listed above can apply to the aromantic spectrum by changing the suffix -sexual by the suffix -romantic. For instance, grayromantic individuals feel that their romantic attraction lies within the gray zones of the aromantic spectrum.

For some, their romantic attraction and sexual attraction are the same. For instance, you might be homoromantic and homosexual, meaning you are both romantically and sexually attracted to the same gender. However, they might differentiate, leading to the importance of distinguishing these two axes of attraction. In my case, I consider myself panromantic and graysexual. I am romantically attracted to others regardless of their gender identity, and my sexual attraction to others is situated within the gray zones of asexuality. This is referred to as the Split Attraction Model (SAM).

Those who consider themselves to be on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum are a welcome part of the LGBTQ+ community because their sexual and/or romantic identities differ from that of a cisgender, heteroromantic and heterosexual individual.

Like other members of the LGBTQ+ community, asexual and aromantic people can face discrimination for their identities. Cultural and sexual norms might leave these communities out of the discussion, many people not even knowing what asexuality and aromanticism are. Some might see these identities as a consequence of sexual trauma, or the person having not yet “found the right person”. This contributes to gaslighting and invisibility of said individuals and their identities, which in turn can lead to feelings such as internalized shame.

In short, while they may be a lesser-known sub-community (at least for now) within the LGBTQ+ family, asexual and aromantic people are just as deserving of support from their social circles and medical practitioners. Both asexual and aromantic people within their respective continuums are capable of bonding with others, in their own unique way.

Alex Simon

L’article The asexual and aromantic spectrum est apparu en premier sur TransAvenue.

Special collaboration: Alex Simon is an American-born and Montreal-based student interested in LGBTQ+ and trans realities. They themselves being non-binary, they proposed the idea to GrS Montreal of writing articles on their blog TransAvenue.

For those looking into possible steps for starting or continuing their transition, hormone replacement therapy (commonly known as HRT) might be a possible puzzle piece that will help alleviate your gender dysphoria. However, not everyone necessarily knows the effects that HRT might have on your body both temporarily and permanently.

Science-lover that I am, I would like to take the time to introduce the hormones typically involved in HRT (testosterone and estrogen) in two separate articles. And while I have a degree in biotechnology, I am in no way a medical specialist, so please contact your doctor or endocrinologist to validate any questions or concerns you may have.

Testosterone is a steroid hormone derived from cholesterol and is composed of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen. In the case of HRT, it is responsible for enabling certain secondary sexual characteristics in AFAB (Assigned Female at Birth) and intersex individuals. It also increases blood cell production. It is given either as an injection or as a gel or patch applied to the skin. Testosterone (or T, for short) varies in dosage, so it’s best to talk with your doctor about the changes you wish to achieve, your current health status and certain risk factors like cardiovascular disease.

The changes that testosterone induces can be either temporary or permanent and the timeline in which these changes can occur vary from person to person. Some individuals might experience all of the changes typically associated with testosterone, while some might experience very few. Some people might notice these changes right away, while for others it may take longer.

The first changes to appear include an oiler complexion and acne, which typically appear within the first month to six months. Afterward, within two to six months your period will cease. These two changes are temporary, meaning they will revert to their initial state when treatment is stopped. Other changes that are considered temporary include facial and body hair growth (three to six months), body fat redistribution (three to six months; less fat will be distributed around your hips and will instead tend to accumulate around the waist), and increased muscle mass (six to twelve months).

Other changes induced by testosterone take much longer to reverse course, or are even irreversible. These include your voice deepening (three to twelve months), clitoral enlargement (three to six months), and possible scalp hair loss (within twelve months).

There are other risks and complications with regards to testosterone. These include weight gain, sleep apnea, cardiovascular problems (if the risk is already present within your family or personal health status), and possible increased risk of psychiatric effects if you already have an underlying condition that involves manic or psychotic symptoms.

In most cases, obtaining HRT requires an assessment from a qualified health professional. In alignment with WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health) Standards of Care, the person must have well documented, persistent gender dysphoria, must be able to fully consent and make an informed decision regarding HRT, be the age of majority, and have any pre-existing health conditions under control. If the person is under the age of majority, WPATH also has a Standards of Care section for minors and must be followed by the health professional, given that at a younger age such hormones are considered “puberty suppressants”. Once the request for HRT is validated by the health professional in question, both adults and minors should regularly be followed by a medical practitioner or endocrinologist to ensure the health and well-being of the patient.

L’article What is testosterone? est apparu en premier sur TransAvenue.

Special collaboration: Alex Simon is an American-born and Montreal-based student interested in LGBTQ+ and trans realities. They themselves being non-binary, they proposed the idea to GrS Montreal of writing articles on their blog TransAvenue.

My journey to top surgery started out much like the journeys of many other transmasculine and non-binary people before me. One of the most exhilarating aspects of the entire process was yet one of the most simplistic: sending in my application to get the forms sent to my e-mail address. At the time, there were few people to whom I made mention of my future top surgery, so it felt a bit secretive. I had to juggle how I would share this life-changing information with my family and friends. Undergoing surgery is no small feat. However, I knew the moment I clicked “send” that I was going in the right direction.

The months following that e-mail confirmation, I went through the typical, somewhat bureaucratic steps towards getting referral letters and medical approval to get my surgery. The forms were signed by my family doctor, and I went through the therapy sessions to get a referral letter. Both of these steps were costly, but I figured in the scheme of things, at least the mastectomy itself would be covered by the government. I knew deep down that this procedure was what I needed, yet all of the questioning from the medical practitioners on my motives undoubtedly made me re-evaluate the relationship I had with my body and my gender identity. Having the main criteria of eligibility for top surgery consist of whether or not I was far enough away from femininity and close enough to masculinity made me acknowledge (in the first of many instances) how non-binary individuals can face challenges when accessing healthcare. During the final appointment for my referral letter, my psychologist had to pull out the DSM-V to verify that I filled enough of the criteria to get the letter, and I barely skimmed by. It was absolutely nerve-wracking. The fate of my gender affirmation procedure rested in the pages of a pathology manual and its interpretation.

Once the letters were acquired and the forms were sent late summer, it took about two months for my file to be processed and created at the clinic. I was then given a pre-operative consultation date at the beginning of 2020. I spent the following weeks imagining conversations with my surgeon and reading as much information as I could to prepare myself adequately. When I was not studying for my final exams, I was reading articles and watching videos from clinics and Youtubers alike. I also took the time to inform my family members and friends one by one about my future procedure. While most were accepting of the idea, most also needed more information to educate themselves. For many of them, I was the first person in their entourage to undergo gender affirmation surgery.

In January, I had my pre-operative consultation at the clinic. While rather short and straight to the point, I was relieved to be one step closer to my dream of a flat chest. The next step was for my procedure to be approved by the Quebec government. Although I had little reason for concern, I was worried that with my luck, I would somehow get turned down and would have to finance my surgery out of pocket. Luckily, that was not the case: I got my approval in February and at the beginning of March I received a surgery date for the summer. I danced outside of my workplace and cried tears of joy.

Then COVID-19 struck. I was able to meet my surgeon a day before the clinic was to close. The weeks to follow were full of uncertainty. I had numerous friends have their respective surgeries cancelled and postponed to some unknown later date. Each week was spent waiting for the press release to know how long the clinic would be closed and when surgeries could resume. Finally, in June, the clinic reopened and gradually restarted performing mastectomies.

I count myself lucky. My date was not postponed like many others. That provided me the stability I needed to get into a healthier mindset before surgery. That excessive reading and video-watching came in handy when making a list of items I needed, and I went shopping for everything from bandages to button-down shirts and slip-on shoes.

The days and hours leading up to my surgery, my nerves were overpowered by my excitement and enthusiasm. More than a year of navigating the system and more than three years since I started thinking of top surgery had gone by. Soon the chest I had known for over a decade would soon be replaced by two lines under my pecs. It was surreal and made me giddy.

The morning of surgery, I woke up at 4:30 for 6 a.m. admission. My happiness made me less concerned about what was to come. Even though I was to follow strict health protocols and have no visitors accompany me, I felt surprisingly calm despite my anxious nature. I gave a last hug to my mom at the front door and walked into the clinic with my head held high.

That morning went by so incredibly quickly. I went from the front desk to the care unit to admissions in a blink of an eye. Soon I found myself getting ready to lay down on the operating table. The last thing I remember before going under was peacefully smiling.

I woke up, or should I say I was able to somewhat open my eyes. Time stood still while I was recollecting what was going on and what happened. I was rolled into my bedroom and shifted over to the main bed. When the nurses were gone, I smiled in ecstasy. I was overcome by so many emotions simultaneously. My chest was wrapped Christmas-style in numerous layers of bandages, but I knew under all of that I was flat. Once I was able to think straight and keep my eyes open, I texted my mom and friends the very first picture of me post-op: with a grin of contentment. Soon a second person was wheeled into the room, and while we had a curtain separating us, we were able to speak of our shared sense of relief and satisfaction.

Before long, I was able to put my clothes on and slowly walk out of the care unit. Two days later, my Penrose drains were removed (much to my relief), followed by the removal of the gauze three days after that. It was the first time I got to see my chest post-op. I did not even wait for my mom to come home to remove the bandages, I was way too enthusiastic to wait a moment more. My jaw hurt from smiling so much. I had to pat my torso gently to remind myself that the image I saw in the mirror was me. I made it. I got my double incision mastectomy with no nipple grafts. After so many instances of questionable mental health in which top surgery was the only thing that got me up and moving each day, I finally did it. I survived my bad days and now I get the chance to thrive as my authentic self.

Alex Simon

L’article Having a top surgery in the midst of a pandemic est apparu en premier sur TransAvenue.

Special collaboration: Alex Simon is an American-born and Montreal-based student interested in LGBTQ+ and trans realities. They themselves being non-binary, they proposed the idea to GrS Montreal of writing articles on their blog TransAvenue.

For this article, I decided to ask some questions to June Pilote, executive director at Alterheros in Montreal and social media vlogger on queer and trans realities.

Alex Simon: If you feel comfortable sharing, how would you describe yourself in terms of queer and trans identity? (transmasculine, transfeminine, non-binary, etc) What pronouns do you use?

June Pilote: I’m a non-binary trans-masculine human and I use they/them pronouns in English and il/lui in French. I don’t strongly relate to any non-binary pronouns in French, so I decided to go with the “masculine” alternative.

AS: What kind of activism do you do in the LGBTQ+ community?

JP: I’ve been doing LGBTQ+ activism for a little more than 5 years now. I started with being on different organizations’ boards, doing active peer support and facilitating workshops. These days, I’m the executive director for AlterHéros, an online resource for and by LGBTQ+ people, where we answer questions regarding sexuality, gender identity, sexual orientation and plenty of other subjects. We also offer services for and by neurodiverse LGBTQ+ youth, peer support, social events, resource sharing, etc. I also have an online presence where I talk about my gender transition, and my queer identity in general. Through my Instagram, podcast and blog, I discuss stuff like my top surgery, gender dysphoria and what sex toys can alleviate dysphoria!

AS: What is your academic background? Your current career or dream career?

JP: With the mental health stuff that comes with being queer and trans, I was never able to finish a degree. I did 2 years of a bachelor in history back in 2011, and a year and a half of gender studies at Concordia University in 2017.

AS: What queer/trans/gender non-conforming role models did you have growing up?

JP: None (laughs). I first had access to the internet when I was 14 years old, I did a few research on lesbian and gay stuff, but never about gender identity. I always felt a discomfort with my gender, but never had the words to describe it. I first started to hear about trans stuff when I got to university and met Sophie Labelle in 2013. Being friends with her really opened my eyes to what being trans is, and how I don’t need to live with the discomfort my whole life.

AS: What was your coming-out experience with your family, friends and colleagues?

JP: For friends, I mostly had LGBTQ+ friends, so rather easy. For my family a bit harder, I’m still dealing with a bunch of feelings regarding that, so I prefer not to talk about it too much. You can hear me talk about my coming out story in the first episode of my podcast “C’est quoi mon genre” (in French).

AS: What is something you wished a younger self would’ve known in regard to self-love and acceptance as a queer/trans person? About your relationships with other people?

JP: That I’m not alone, that it will be hard but worth it. That being trans and queer is not as lonely as I think and that I will discover myself along the way.

AS: What do you think the next steps in advancing queer and trans rights would be? What issues should be brought to the spotlight?

JP: So many issues! Rights for trans migrants, easier access to surgery and hormonal replacement therapy for everyone, more coverage for trans-feminine affirming surgery (including Facial feminisation surgery and hair removal), etc.

AS: What advice would you give to queer/trans people starting to discover their true selves?

JP: If you can, follow trans people on social media platforms, surround yourself with digital trans acceptance. You don’t have to come out if it’s not safe or accessible, for you.

Alex Simon

L’article Interview with June Pilote est apparu en premier sur TransAvenue.

Special collaboration: Alex Simon is an American-born and Montreal-based student interested in LGBTQ+ and trans realities. They themselves being non-binary, they proposed the idea to GrS Montreal of writing articles on their blog TransAvenue.

Pronouns: something we often use, but don’t often refer to by name. On an everyday basis, we use pronouns to refer to someone in the third person. For instance, if we want to tell our friend that the person across the street has a nice dress, and said person looks feminine, we might tend to use “she” and “her” pronouns. If you want a short haircut similar to the client sitting next to you, you might say “I want the same style that he has”.

To non-transgender individuals, this might seem completely anodyne. If someone were to ask you what pronouns you use, you wouldn’t give it a second thought. You might even say, “Well, I use feminine pronouns obviously”, or “I just use normal pronouns, like any other guy”.

However, these generalizations are problematic in more ways than one. First, it demonstrates how pronouns are generally associated with someone’s esthetic or physical attributes. Having short hair doesn’t automatically mean that you are masculine aligned, nor does wearing a dress make you inherently use feminine pronouns.

Second, it makes any divergence from said norms seem like an abnormality. By stating that one’s pronouns should be “obvious” or “normal”, it discredits any individual or pronouns that are non-conforming. This can be the case for transgender and cisgender people alike. Whether it be in the outside world or in the performance world (take drag, for instance), expression of one’s self has so many more nuances and shades than ever before.

Third, the strict usage of she and he pronouns in such scenarios erases the use of gender-neutral pronouns and neopronouns by the transgender and non-binary communities. The pronoun they, named by Mirriam-Webster as the Word of 2019, is a pronoun often used by individuals whose gender is not within the gender binary. Neopronouns, while perhaps not as known to people outside of the LGBTQ+ community, are new pronouns developed by trans and non-binary individuals who feel that the currently existing terms do not correlate with their sense of self. Examples of these include “ze/hir” (pronounced zee and here, respectively) and “xe/xem” (pronounced zee and zem respectively). While these might seem like a new concept entirely, these examples in particular date back to the early 1970’s (xe/xem) and late 1990’s (ze/hir)!

Singular they with a singular antecedent can be traced back all the way to the 1300’s, where a Middle English text by the name of William the Werewolf was published. Although its popularity wavered throughout the following centuries, contemporary usage of said neutral pronoun rose from the 1990’s and onward. We even use singular they unbeknownst to us, in situations where we do not know a person’s gender. For instance, we say “someone lost their phone”, or “someone called my number, but they didn’t leave a message”. They is much more fluid in speech and in writing than using alternatives like he/she. So how do you use this pronoun when referring to someone in the third person? It’s quite simple: you replace the person’s name by the pronoun they, and you conjugate the verb as usual (ex. They are, and not they is).

Aside from pronouns themselves, connotations to the adjectives we use can also differ from person to person. For instance, someone might prefer being called handsome as supposed to beautiful or might rather use neutral terms such as “attractive”. Keep in mind however that just because someone might use pronouns that are masculine, feminine or neutral in nature, that doesn’t mean that the adjectives referring to them are of the same alignment.

On a day-to-day basis, one of the ways that we can normalize having differing pronouns from our appearance or assumed pronouns is sharing them when introducing ourselves. This is something that non-transgender individuals can do as well, as will benefit society as a whole. Typically, transgender and non-binary individuals are the sole people who might possibly share their pronouns in a direct manner, possibly outing themselves. This burden might prevent gender non-conforming people from expressing their identity and thus tend to be misgendered by those around them. Cisgender people can help relieve this pressure by taking part in sharing their pronouns as well. That way, by having everyone share their respective pronouns, the possibility of being involuntarily outed decreases tenfold.

From a more systemic point of view, public and private institutions can make steps to be more inclusive of the pronouns that their clients use. This includes the prefix and pronoun options in documents and forms. Regardless of whether or not the person has undergone a legal transition, being able to express oneself in a basic conversation with a health provider, staff member or otherwise facilitates the professional relationship between both parties and decreases the likelihood that transgender and non-binary individuals avoid those services altogether (this is particularly the case for healthcare services that can be particularly cisnormative). For example, transmasculine individuals might feel more at ease with undergoing gynecological care or mammograms if the service provided to them wasn’t exclusively targeted as for being “for women” and possibly being misgendered by staff members.

Therefore, having pronouns that differ from what people might expect you to use doesn’t make your existence less valid, the problem is the current lens that society has on gender nonconformity. We all can take steps to ensure that everyone is respected equally for who they are and how they express themselves. From both individual and societal standpoints, changing pronouns for someone we love (or a complete stranger) might initially be a challenge, but using them will be one less burden on that person’s shoulders, one less obstacle they have to overcome, and it results in one more person in the world who feels seen, loved and validated.

Alex Simon

L’article The importance of pronouns est apparu en premier sur TransAvenue.